I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
