At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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