This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Everything about him screamed your future.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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