Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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