Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
