I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I think i peed on brittanys purse
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
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He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
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We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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