I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
