Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
