Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
