There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
