Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
