Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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