Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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