i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
