hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
