So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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