I wanna bring you to show and tell
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
They have beer where we have blood.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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