I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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