i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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