Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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