the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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