This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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