shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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