I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
