Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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