Plan B is the new Plan A
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
