I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
