I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
