How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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