we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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