hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
