My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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