Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
