that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
