At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
