More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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