I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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