He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
