The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
