this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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