You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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