I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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