atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
