Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
