i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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