I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
