Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
