i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
