When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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