soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
