Where are you?
In a non slutty way
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
