Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
