hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
