ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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