We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
