Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
