Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
