I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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