I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
