So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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