I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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