I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
