i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
