Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
