Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
