so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize