burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
