I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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