yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
