they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize