he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
