Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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