Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Sorry about my life...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
