dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
