I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just pee around me
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
he high fived his dick after we had sex
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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