Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
