You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
