You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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