Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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